


Baltimore

by fuenciado



Category: All Time Low
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:50:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuenciado/pseuds/fuenciado
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex left because he hated it, and fell in love with somewhere else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baltimore

It was something Alex was dreading always. Since this all began, he knew it had to end. There was a limit to how long something like this could go on, and they had already pushed that limit, ignored it. But that would happen no more. Tomorrow, he’d have to board a train, for the long, horrible ride to his hometown.  _Without Jack._  It was over before it started, and they both knew it. Yet, they both ignored that fact, and they had spent the past month and a half prancing around as though they were in love.

 _In love._ They were in love. Or rather, Alex was. But he could only dodge responsibility for so long, his bank account and his family only able to provide for him to a certain extent. He had to leave, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay here in Tallahassee, where Jack was. He felt more at home here, with Jack, than he ever had in his hometown. Everything felt right, yet he knew it was wrong, it couldn’t last.

He was leaving Tallahassee, leaving the happiness he had come to seek behind. Back to Baltimore he’d go, where his family was, his work was, all the things he thought he’d miss when coming to Tallahassee for an escape. But all he’d miss was Jack. Jack, the man who, with one smile, had brought out a happiness from Alex which he hadn’t seen in the longest time. The man who, despite all of Alex’s flaws, quirks, and general weirdness, stuck around, hung out with him, offered to be someone for him.

They hadn’t called it official. They were just supposed to be a fling, a cute romance as Alex found himself before retreating back to Baltimore. Yet, somewhere along the way, Alex fell. It killed him to say so, even more to think about leaving the man he’d fallen for, but he had to do it.

So, as Alex handed over the 300-some dollars necessary for the ticket back home, he tried to hold back the tears, tried to be strong, for himself and for Jack. With his suitcase in hand, he took the ticket, walking back over to Jack, who was waiting on a bench off to the side, trying to disrupt the train-goers as little as possible.

“So, I guess this is it…” Alex whispered, his voice too weak to do much more. Jack had stood up in front of him, and was now pulling the shorter boy into a tight hug, one of what was likely to be their last embraces.

“I guess so… it was great,” Jack mumbled as he pulled away, his hand going up to brush a piece of Alex’s caramel-coloured hair out of his face. He leaned in to press his lips to Alex’s, a kiss filled with sadness, sadness for all the things they could never be. It was goodbye for the two of them.

The two’s eyes met, and they just stared at each other, the world disappearing around them, feeling like the only two in the world. Jack offered Alex a small smile, which he quickly returned. “Don’t forget about me,” Alex murmured in Jack’s ear, his fingers intertwined with Jack’s in the space between their bodies. Jack nodded, pressing his lips to Alex’s neck.

“You don’t either…” Jack replied, his lips brushing against Alex’s ear. With one final kiss, they said their goodbyes, without tears, without smiles, both trying to keep a straight face and pretend like it wasn’t a big deal. After their goodbyes, Alex went in for one last hug.

“I love you…” Alex quickly confessed to Jack, refusing to meet his eye. He was off before Jack could reply, quickly joining those waiting for the train as well. He didn’t want to see Jack’s reaction, didn’t want to hear the other boy didn’t feel the same. Jack didn’t go after him, didn’t say anything. He didn’t say anything because he couldn’t. Because  _he_ _didn’t feel the same._

To Jack, it was a fun fling, he knew it wasn’t permanent. He hadn’t fallen for the other boy, like he apparently had for Jack. They were never official, they were never anything more than friends, who went on the occasional date, shared a few kisses, even shared a bed a few times. It was never serious, it was never _love._

*

Alex checked his phone, for probably the 5th time in ten minutes. He expected Jack to say something, come after him, even text him, yet he heard nothing from him. They had boarded the train, and Alex was just getting comfortable in his seat. He felt horrible about himself, felt like his world had already collapsed, and they hadn’t even left the station. Jack had said  _nothing,_ done nothing. He didn’t know what to make of it.

Alex had a long train ride ahead of him, a whole day spent between his thoughts and himself. He pulled out his earbuds, plugging them into his phone and drowning himself in music, as he planned to do for most of the trip. He laid his head against the window, closing his eyes to try and prevent the tears that he knew would be flowing otherwise.

Alex’s thoughts overpowered the music he was listening to, and he spent the first hour of his travels thinking. Thinking of the things he had done with Jack, acting like the childish people they were. He thought of the time Jack showed him around town,  _his town,_ pointing out all the best places, taking him in to eat at one of them, and at Alex’s request, taking him into the music shop he pointed out to the other boy.

He remembered when, a few days later, Jack brought him back to the music shop, where they looked at all the guitars they could never afford, and Alex played Jack songs he didn’t know, and attempted to teach Jack a few things, with the boy acting like an idiot and almost getting them kicked out the whole time.

He thought of how they’d share kisses when they thought no one was looking, how he and Jack would hold hands and stay close to do the simplest tasks. They were generally meaningless actions, things lovesick teenagers would do, but that’s what Alex was.  _Lovesick._  Lovesick for a man he would never see again, likely. Because he ruined things, by saying those three little words:  _I love you._

He wanted to text Jack, tell him sorry, that he didn’t mean it, that he didn’t mean to screw with him, with _them,_ like that. But he couldn’t. He was hoping he’d get a text from Jack, possibly saying those three little words back. But he wouldn’t.

He could stand life without Jack, he decided. He’d have to stand life without Jack. Jack would without him, so why couldn’t he?  _Because of love._ But screw love, he knew he could be happy now. So he was going to be happy, with or without Jack.

*

‘Hey’ Alex gave in, finally sending Jack a text first. Tears were still silently sliding down his cheeks as he stared out the window, already wishing he was back with Jack, in his arms, acting foolish with him. He missed Tallahassee already. He didn’t think leaving would be  _this_  hard when he came, but he didn’t know _Jack_  when he came.

He patiently waited for a reply, trying to calm himself down, but found after ten, fifteen, twenty minutes, he had nothing. Still only one sent message, an empty inbox.  _He was better off without Jack,_  he decided.  _It was better this way._  It had happened but now it was done.

He was lying to himself, and he couldn’t keep the act up. He wasn’t better off without Jack. He’d probably go back to how he was before, moping around miserably constantly. That’s the reason he left Baltimore in the first place, so why was he coming back? It was horrible there, horrible for him at least.

It was getting late, and Alex still had a long trip ahead of him, having only travelled around six hours so far. He decided sleep was a must, and with that, he got comfortable, shuffling around until he was satisfied. He turned down his music, knowing he wouldn’t get to sleep without it but couldn’t have it too loud, and shut his eyes.

*

He was woken up to the announcement that they had reached their destination, Baltimore, Maryland. His dreams made him dread leaving the train even more, having dreamt of the same boy who had taken up his every thought hours before. Quickly packing up his things, not that he had made much of a mess in the first place, he left the train, his face falling the moment he stepped to the ground. He was back, as were all the memories of why he dreaded this place. It was real again, where it felt like a dream to be forgotten about while in Tallahassee.

His friends hated him, his parents were tired of him, he’d gotten fired and had been searching for a job. The only reason he could do something as drastic as go to Tallahassee for an extended period was his family, with their fair amount of money. But even that wouldn’t last, and now he was back, back to the regular lifestyle of 9 - 5 work days and everyone around him having something against him.

*

He had decided within the first week what his plans were. He had to do it, he was going to do it. Him and Jack were talking again, though Jack acted like Alex had never said those three words, like everything was still the way it was before he left, besides the fact they were texting each other, rather than face-to-face. _Jack just needed more time with Alex,_  he thought, before he could feel the same, say the same. Because obviously those three little words didn’t scare him that bad.

He was going back to Tallahassee. He was going back to Tallahassee and  _staying_  in Tallahassee, staying with Jack. He’d make it a surprise, and he knew he had to save up for a while before doing so, but he estimated that in two months, he’d have the money to follow his dreams, and find his happiness again. Find Jack again.

He was right, in a way. He didn’t exactly have enough money to stay in Tallahassee comfortably, but after two months without Jack, pretending he was okay with just texting the boy, he didn’t care much for how comfortable he’d be with his money, he just wanted to be there. He had even gone so far as to figure out prospective places, and jobs, once he got there, lining up interviews and talking to landlords about properties.

He had bought the one-way ticket out of Baltimore, had packed up the few belongings he had, and gotten up and left, no one trying to stop him, the only people saying they’d miss him being his family, and they knew the day was coming, and were likely relieved to not have Alex living with them anymore. He prepared himself for the 16 hour train ride into Jacksonville, and had cash to rent a car to get from Jacksonville to Tallahassee. He was really doing this. He was returning to Jack, and Jack had no clue.

*

After 16 hours, anyone’s going to be a little jittery, but Alex was absolutely horrible. His toes were tapping, hand shaking, and he just wanted to get out of the train, get into the vehicle, and get over to Jack. It was killing him, the temptation to tell Jack he was coming, but he knew it would feel even better, taste even sweeter when he got back to Jack, surprising him, that first hug, that first kiss when he was with him.

Because of his late departure time last night, it was around 10 am when he got to Jacksonville, and he had gotten a decent amount of sleep surprisingly on the train-ride there. He was wide awake, and full of smiles despite the anxious mood he was in. He quickly found the car-rental place he had planned to go to, and got a rental vehicle to make his trip to Tallahassee rather quickly.

For the whole duration of the 2 1/2 hour drive to Tallahassee, his fingers were tapping along to the music he had put on, a mix CD he had made, knowing the radio stations never seemed to play anything good today. He belted out the lyrics to his favourite songs, windows wide open as he made his way back to happiness, to Tallahassee.

*

He knocked on the door, his hands jittery once again. His phone was in his back pocket, dead, but he had nothing to charge it with, so he just hoped Jack was home. He heard footsteps behind the door, and soon the clicking of the lock before Jack’s face came into his view. A look of confusion spread over his face, opposed to Alex’s look of pure joy, happiness.

“Alex?” Jack asked, his brows furrowed in confusion. Alex’s smile just grew larger. Jack opened the door further, inviting Alex in without further question, until he was inside. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to visit, and this time I’m staying in Tallahassee!” Alex explained excitedly, taking a seat on the couch as Jack joined him. Alex’s gaze landed upon someone walking out of the kitchen area, who met his eyes with warm brown ones. The man smiled at him immediately, before wandering his way over to sit beside Jack.

“Is he staying for lunch ‘cause I can make him some too?” The mystery man suggested, his arm wrapped around Jack’s waist. Jack nodded as Alex stared at the hand on Jack’s hip, his heart dropping into his stomach. He took a shaky breath as the man walked away, back to the kitchen after a nod back.

“Who’s that?” Alex asked, his voice small, his eyes already welling up with tears, if that was who Alex thought he was. Jack glanced back at where the man had disappeared, before answering Alex’s question.

“That’s Zack…” He replied, his eyes going down to his hands. “He’s my boyfriend.” His voice got progressively weaker as he said those three words, three words he knew would tear Alex’s world apart. Alex _really did_ love him, and he came back for him… and Jack had moved on. Jack had no idea, thought the two would just stay friends to likely slowly drift apart. He had no clue Alex’s feelings actually ran that deep, thought the  _I love you_ was just a spur-of-the-moment, I’m-leaving-you thing, nothing real, nothing more. But he was wrong.

Alex nodded solemnly, tears pricking at his eyes. He should have asked Jack… he just assumed he had no one new in his life. He had only been gone for two months, and Jack had never mentioned anyone, yet, here Zack was, in the place of where Alex wanted to be. The place Alex  _should_  be.

Alex tried to hold back his tears, stay strong, for Jack, and for Zack. Zack, the guy more deserving of Jack. Alex wondered if Jack said those three words to Zack, I love you, or if they were still yet to come? Was their relationship like what Jack and Alex’s had been, carefree and fun, or were they more serious?

He kept the questions to himself as he ate lunch with the couple, Jack openly telling Zack about Alex, and what had happened between them. He acted as if it was no big deal, when it was ripping Alex apart from the inside out. “So you’re okay with us?” Zack asked, seeming to care a lot for Alex’s opinion. He nodded, faking eagerness for the two, before quickly going back to finish up his food.

“I just wanted to say hi before I started my life up here in Tallahassee…” Alex mumbled, refusing to make eye contact with either gentleman in fear they would see through his charade, even though Jack likely did already. Zack nodded in understanding, a smile gracing his face as he finished up his meal, taking his and Jack’s, and soon after Alex’s, plates to the kitchen.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you,” Jack spoke quietly as Zack disappeared. Alex nodded, which seemed to be his response to everything tonight. “I didn’t think it was that important,” Jack felt it was necessary to continue into the awkward silence that ensued, and soon found himself staring at an almost lifeless Alex.

“It’s fine,” Alex claimed, though his voice breaking contradicted the statement. “I gotta go, got places I have to see and… yeah.” Alex made up a weak excuse to leave, and Jack didn’t stop him. The moment Alex stepped out of the house, the tears began to roll down his cheeks. He didn’t know what to do anymore…

_He came back to Tallahassee for his happiness and found himself torn apart instead._

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Baltimore by Go Radio.


End file.
